New Moon Breakup Scene!
by JulzAndKate
Summary: hay! this is julzandkate here! this is a remake of the breakup scene in new moon. r&r be nice! WE LOVEEEEE YOU


**A/N: Hi people! This a Julz and Kate co-written story! No, not the much-anticipated HP one, that is still to come! THIS story is a funny remake of the scene in New Moon where Edward leaves the man-rat…uh, Bella that is, in the forest!! Woot! So, R&R, my pretties!**

**Disclaimer: we do not owwwn twilight… we don't really want to, anyway… cuz that would mean we owned Bella, too…**

(Bella's P.O.V.)

I was playing around in my backyard when I heard a whistle. When I heard it, I ran to Edward's side. He prefers to call me that way instead of actually saying my name. Also, his new pet name for me is "Gross man thing," which I think is strange, because I am a WOMAN! A very ugly woman, but still a female! And he loves me! Right?? I mean, who COULDN'T love this face! I could break all the mirrors in the world for him! (Cause, his beauty probably sickens him from time to time.) He led me into the middle of the forest where I first told him that he was a vampire… hot…

"Man-rat, we need to talk." Edward told me. "What is it, my queen?" I asked. "You are a fat, ugly, manly, smelly, gross, hairy, bad breath-ed child, and I don't love you anymore!" he shouted at me. I giggled.

"Why, thank you! But I know you're joking with me, my little kumquat, because you break up with me and insult me at least three times a day!" I smiled. He rolled his eyes.

"Well, I'm serious now! I WANT TO GET AWAY FROM YOU!" I pouted.

"B-b-b-but what did I do?? I remembered to bathe and shave!" I showed him my (rarely) clean upper lip. Edward shook his head.

"That's lovely, gross man thing, but you're just so sweaty and disgusting! Bella, I am going to leave you. You will never see me again,"

"Well…fine! BE THAT WAY!" I yelled. He turned around.  
Wait!" I said. "What? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MY LIFE?!?!" Edward yelled, bursting into fake tears. "Can you kiss me one more time?!" I yelled at the top of my deep, manly voice. I made my _kissing face_ at him.

"Can you stop making that face?" Edward asked. I stopped flapping my large, fat lips. He came closer and made a face. "OHMYGOSH! BELLA! YOU HAVE SOME SERIOUS B.O. ARGH! IT BUUUURRNNNSSS!"

I lifted an arm and smelled my pit. Ooo! Smells pretty bad!! "Here! Sleep on this tree!" Edward yelled. Then he tore down a tree and ran away.

I sat on the tree and let my manly sobs fill the air. I was sad! Snot was running from my large, oddly curved, non-female-ish nose. "CAN YOU SHUDDUP?!" an old man yelled from his porch.

I laid down on the tree and looked around. I heard someone breathing deeply. And there was Edward, lurking behind a tree.

"I thought you were leaving me, little kumquat!" I yelped. He pulled off his shirt and ran into the sunlight.

"I WANT YOU TO SEE ME SPARKLE ONE MORE TIME BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO SUFFER! I WANT YOU TO SEE THAT YOU CAN'T HAVE ALLLLLLLLLL O' THIS!" he framed his body with his longish arms. He then took out his cell phone and played the titanic song.

"Goodbye, Bella," he whispered.

"I WILL NEVER LET GO JACK! NEVERRRRRRRRR!!!!" I shouted after him. He whirled around.

"WHO'S JACK!?"

"NOBODY! YOU'RE JEALOUS, AND YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!?"

"YES!! WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT TO DATE YOU!? HOW DID YOU FIND A NEW GUY IN FIVE MINUTES!?"

"WELL, SOME PEOPLE APPRECIATE MY B.O.!"

"FINE! GO MAKE OUT WITH JACOB AND HIS BIG OL' HAIRY UNIBROW! SEE IF I CARE! BECAUSE I DON'T! I COULD DO SO MUCH BETTER THEN YOU!!" he said before turning on his delicate, white, sweet-smelling heel and huffing. He turned around again.

"Actually, I dooooooo care if you make out with Jacob because… I WANT HIM!" he ran away screaming, "I NEED A SATCHEL TO PREPARE FOR MY JOURNEY!" I huffed and laid down on the tree again. I let out a huuuuge fart that smelled beautifully of rotten eggs and bacon. I fell asleep…

A LITTLE WHILE LATER!

I woke up to someone poking my side with a stick. It was Sam the werewolf chief. Ooops… I'm not supposed to know that… OH WELL!

"OHMYGOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" he shouted right into my ear. "IT'S A BUG!" and he smushed me with a big ol' napkin while screaming, "BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUG! INFESTING THE FOREST WITH IT'S SMELLLLLLLLLLLLL!"

the end?

**A/N: Hola people!!! How'd ya like it?! Hehe! We enjoy writing this stuff!! :D (no, we do not support Jake/Edward, we just thought it would add on to Bella the man thing's problems!! R&R!! The review button needs friendssssss!**

**xxxxxxxxxx**


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